11:14 a.m. - April 19, 2002
Sleep, clean, sleep, clean
It's FRIDAY! I'm doing the happy dance. I love Friday's. I like the feeling I get when I go home and know that I don't have to get up the next morning. I hate the mornings, they're so hard. I can't get out of bed. My alarm goes off at 5:45 and I keep smacking it until 7:00. This insomnia is killing me. I'm going on 3 years since it all started and now I've been swallowed up into this black hole. I hate the nighttime when I have take all my meds. I actually count my pills to make sure I'm going to have enough until the next time I can have it filled. Yes I am dependent upon them and no I don't know how to end the cycle. The sleep lab at Stanford recommended that I enroll in their sleep clinic. For $100 a week you can drive 25 miles to our facility and sit in a 2 hour "class" and learn about sleep hygiene and if that doesn't work we'll have you admitted to the local pshyc. unit and assist in the process of weaning you off the meds. I don't think so. Maybe it's different out here, maybe I can find some other way but right now natural sleep seems hopeless. I miss that feeling of drifting off to sleep and waking up feeling like a real person.
So I guess this weekend is going to be spent cleaning. Woowhoo. Don't ever tell me I don't know how to live! I have Mark's committment to help so I'm taking full advantage of it...after I go shopping! I've had a chair on lay away that I'm picking up tomorrow. It's a cute little slipper chair that's been freshly reupholstered in a blue and white toile. Very cute. We need any kind of furniture in our house in the worst way. We got rid of alot of our stuff before we moved so now we have this huge house with no furniture.
I'd like to take the kids to see Ice Age on Saturday night. My MIL always beats me to it. We'll see how things go.
For now on I'll leave with a question, something to ponder until the next time we meet.
For a person you loved deeply, would you be willing to move to a distant country knowing there would be little chance of seeing friends or family again?
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