1:57 p.m. - July 01, 2002
Monday Blues
I failed myself again this weekend. I didn't get done all that needed to be done. I really wanted to get Matthew's bed painted. I did get the kids rooms cleaned up and got Olivia's bed ready for my parents to use. I also bought her the cutest little stool/table thingy. It's hand painted with flowers all over and a little butterfly is mounted to the top of it. It looks really cute next to her bed. I also started painting a french phrase above her bed:

Les belle fille r�ve ici

I did manage to get my arse out of bed and go to church yesterday. I always feel good when I go. We came home and played on the trampolene. I can't believe the kids got me up there. It was actually alot of fun and a good workout to boot. Mark came running over as if to jump up and scare me but instead he lost his footing on the wet grass and slid underneath it. His face was a green color when he got up. He said it knocked the wind out of him and he twisted his already very strained back. I felt so sorry for him. He could've sliced his back on the leg to that thing so I guess we're pretty lucky. He seemed better this morning. Later on I got back up there and was jumping around having a grand time when all of a sudden I lost my footing or something and the next thing I knew I was laying on the ground looking up. My hip landed on the corner of a stone so now I have a nice bruise there. I can see the headlines now: Parents Disabled after Trampoline Accident!

So the cute little picture that I tried to add yesterday but so miserably failed at was of a nest full of baby robins. They still looked quite young and certainly not able to fly. I went to check on them yesterday and all four of them were gone. Mark thinks Stinky, the fat cat next door may have gotten to them. I did notice pieces of my fern on the ground below but no feathers. I checked those babies everyday and watched them grow and this tom cat comes over and wipes it all out. That so urks me. I know it's nature, but that cat is such a crotchity old thing.

This issue w/Mark's smoking has come up again. Am I just being a hard-nosed b#$%^ about this or is he being a coward? I found evidence of him smoking and when I bring it up to him he gets all pissed off and tells me that I'm just trying to get him to admit something. Hello. You've been lying to me and your kids for more than a year now that you quit and yet when we find evidence to the contrary you have the balls to stand there and blatantly lie to us? What is up with that. I told him today that if he continues to smoke that's his choice. He will never smoke in my house or around our kids. But I also expect that the next time I go through another depression I won't hear "It's a matter of your will to pull you out of this". It's basically the same thing only I've chosen to get help with my illness, he refuses to try anything to help him to quit smoking. Not even watching his loved ones rot away from cancer and emphysema have helped him.

It's really the lying that I CANNOT stand. This man will NEVER, ever admit he's wrong or not perfect. He thinks he knows all and I can't stand that. I know I'm really dumping on my husband today and I probably should keep my comments to myself, but it's times like these that I really can't stand that man. Funny how one minute I feel like he's the love of my life and on a dime I'm ready to rip his face off.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

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