7:49 p.m. - August 13, 2003
Weeping Willow
So now I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, I thought I was losing it. I started feeling some anxiety come on when the kids went back to school on Monday but chalked it up to having gone off the Risperdal cold turkey. Then I figured it was a reaction to the way Matthew was feeling (he gets a little anxiety-ridden when school starts). The more I've talked to some of the other moms I've found that I'm not the only one feeling like this. As much as we're all ready for them to go back to school it's kind of strange not having them around. I think this is a sign that I'm really ready to go back to work. I need to get back to a more structured day as much as I hate the thought of having to start a new job and try to stay focused. I need the job to get the benefits to get diagnosed so I'm really backed into a corner at this point.
This morning as I was driving the kids to school M was trying his hardest not to cry, as was I. I just kept my hand on his leg and tried to comfort him without saying anything knowing that he'd burst if I did. We were listening to the radio when that song from Lone Star came on about the dad being on the road and calling home and talking to his kids and the son asks "Daddy when you coming home" and dad says "I'm already there, take a look around, I'm the sunshine in your hair" and Matthew wails "I knew they were going to play a sad song" and he starts bawling. Oh that kid can break your heart I tell you. He and I are so much alike when it comes to change, we don't like it. I get weepy like that if I've had too much time away from my regularly scheduled programming.
Boo is asleep across the top of my monitor and he's snoring.
�
�
