9:15 p.m. - September 27, 2003
Visiting
It was a long drive but we made it. We got in at about 11:00 last night and my dad had already gone to bed. I really wanted to see him. We finally settled down and got to bed at around 1:30. I was up early this morning and was sitting on the front porch when he came out. He looked better than he did the last time I saw him yet he looked like he had aged. I hugged him and told him I loved him and he told me how afraid he is. It's not like my dad to say such things. I haven't been able to keep my eyes dry all day, my heart feels like it's breaking in half. The nice thing is, everyone is here except for my oldest nephew. Taking his place is my nieces boyfriend. Great kid, very friendly and open, not afraid to jump in. Everyone got out and tore out a flower bed that my dad wanted out and planted grass so they can mow it instead of weed it. I've been watching him all day, he gets tired easily and has to take cat naps but let me tell you, that man still has an appetite. He's having some side effects from the radiation, indigestion and gastric distress. He hasn't lost any hair yet but he says he's not afraid to either. I told him to go down and get the old buzz cut. He can laugh every once in a while but I know he feels alone. Here we sit having normal everyday conversations and he's probably thinking "How can you while I'm in such turmoil". I just want him to know that he's not alone in this battle. That we're all fighting for him and with him. I love my dad so much, but this pain just won't go away.
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