7:33 p.m. - December 09, 2003
Old Frogs
I've been battling another cold for the past few days. Actually I think it's allergies but I feel like crap all the same.
I got a call from oldest brother last night at 11:00. Mark thought there was something wrong so he came in and woke me up. All he wanted to talk about was Christmas and our plans to make it extra special for my dad. Then he mentioned that my mom needs me down there and that I should be there. I feel a huge amount of guilt that I'm not down there more often, but I've also got a life here that I need to handle. I've got to find a job and I don't think he realizes how bad. I can't just jump in the car and be down there in a couple of hours like him. Man, I really don't need this right now. I really feel like calling him and saying "I didn't really catch our conversation last night, let's go over it again", but I also don't want to subject myself to more guilt. What happens if I'm not there when my dad passes? Will I ever be forgiven from him? Should I even care? To make matters worse, I talked to my dad today and he told me that he took a fall down their front steps. He said he was trying to navigate the steps and missed the step with his cane and fell about 5 steps flat on his face. Luckily his glasses fell off so they didn't gouge him. Mom says he only has one little scrape on his nose. She says he's lost more weight. I'm scared to see him at Christmas. I can't believe I'm losing my dad. What is my mom going to do when he's gone? I've always seen her as a strong woman but my dad is her life. She's always said that she would shrivel up and die like and old frog if he ever left her.
�
�
