10ish - 5-28-04
Missing Him
My computer is so hosed right now it�s hard to believe. I don�t know what�s been going on with it, but it�s trash. I was just typing my entry and got about 500 words into it and the Internet shut down and booted me out. I am so frustrated with this thing but can�t afford to buy another. Mark�s friend was working on it but has now gone back to work and doesn�t have time. My brother has a new baby and reeeelly bad sleep deprivation so I don�t want to ask him. Here goes my second attempt.
I miss my dad so much. It�s been almost 4 weeks. I keep hearing his voice in my head. Not schizo-type voices, just his voice and some of the things he used to say. His voice on my answering machine �Hey Syl, it�s dad, give me a call when you get home, Love ya.� Today I heard him say �If it�s too good to be true, it probably is�. He loved to tell us that. I miss taking care of him. Back in the late 70�s he was in a hit-and-run accident with a drunk driver and broker his right knee. It took Kaiser 3 weeks before they�d even x-ray it so he stumbled along like that. He slept downstairs (our garage was converted into a family room and there were 2 steps to get down there hence the term �downstairs�), I�d sleep with him in case he needed anything. A few times he�d need to get up and use the bathroom and I�d follow behind him in case he fell. Like my 70lb. body was any match for his 250lb. Frame! I remember standing at the bathroom door waiting while he did his business tapping on the door asking, �are you okay, dad�? What a dork I was. I remember hearing him tell someone once that I was his nurse helper and that I did a great job. I was glad to know that I wasn�t being a pain. The last weeks he was alive I had the privilege to care for him again. It was a family effort that we all felt blessed to be a part of. I have to thank both of my brothers for everything they did. Oldest brother left his family and quit his job to move down to GA to be there to help care for dad. There wasn�t a day that went by from the time of his diagnosis that one of them wasn�t there just sitting with him or feeding him or taking him out Cracker Barrel (his fav). I am so proud of how my family came together even closer than we were before. I know my dad was as proud if not more so, as he never failed to tell us in those last days. As time goes on I am coming to realize that my dad and I really did have a special connection that I don�t think I ever noticed before. I love him dearly.
So, summer has officially started for the youngin�s, oh joy. Olivia is none to happy about it only because she will not be attending the middle school of her choice. With the rate that they re-district the schools around here, I�m sure she�ll be spending sometime where she wants to go. Both got stellar report cards, but Matthew�s not too happy that his teacher has suggested that he keep reading over the summer. He�ll get over it.
Tomorrow we�ll be going to see Shrek II if the housework gets done. I�ve threatened them all with restriction if they don�t stay and help me. I�ve given up, thrown in the proverbial towel, I cannot do this house by myself, nor do I care to.
So, the end of a hellish, busy, busy week is here (HUGE sigh is let out, screen is foggy now). I am so looking forward to 3 days off.
You all have a very enjoyable, safe weekend.
Miss you too Karen.
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