9:23 p.m. - April 29, 2004
Time is Short
It won't be long now. He's sleeping most of the time, 10-14 hours at a time. Mom says he's not eating much anymore either. He's losing many of his functions and doesn't have the strength to pull himself up to a sitting position. I so thank God that my brothers are so close. I watched my mom over the weekend and how she manipulated him around. I don't know where she gets the strength, both physical and mental. We'll be going down every weekend until he passes. I really want to be there when he does. Does that sound morbid? I had such a great visit with him this past weekend. I just want to sit there and hold his hand, tell him he's going to be fine where he's going. I'm going to miss him so much.
Today is Mark's 42nd birthday, he's so old! His mom bought him a new DVD player as our other "new" one crapped out on us. I bought him a DVD which I can't remember what it is and an Ozzy CD. Some golf crap and that was it. Pickin's are slim these days so I had to be frugal. I hate that word. He's not big on gifts anyway. I guess that's why he never buys me anything.
Work is work is work. Just bumbling along until I hit it big. Doing what I'm not sure. There's got to be something out there with my name written all over it. I remember Joe Montana saying something during one of his interviews, he said "I get paid ridiculous money to do something I love to do". I've carried that with me for years. My problem is that I haven't figured out what I love to do. I do know that it's not what I'm doing now.
Abby-gail will be here on Wednesday. This whole time seems so odd with life and death happening at the same time. My poor brother doesn't know which way to swing. He's losing his best friend yet gaining the daughter he's always wanted. I'm so excited to meet her and for my dad to meet her. I can see the expression on his face, pure peace that he made it to meet her and hold her and smell her.
Until next time................
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